He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
