my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
