then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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