I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
