It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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