The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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