this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
