It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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