oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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