My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
