why didn't you poke me back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
