i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
