between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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