I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
