toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
