I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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