We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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