dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
