2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
