paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
