toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
