I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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