I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
