I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
