Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
