Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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