Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
