Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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