She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
