there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
