Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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