Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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