Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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