I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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