Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
