I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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