yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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