You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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