I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
