you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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