As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
