I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
