i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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