Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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