I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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