see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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