People in love make me want to vomit
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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