I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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