things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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