Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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