I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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