YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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