News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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