I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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