I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
