Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
