Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
