Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
