What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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