nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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