you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
