Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
