i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
