I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
why is half of my head shaved?
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